


Afternoon Stroll

by neveralarch



Category: Hawkeye (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Non-Graphic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-25
Updated: 2012-12-25
Packaged: 2017-11-22 08:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/607714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neveralarch/pseuds/neveralarch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Right, so I'm taking the dog out for a walk. The most normal thing I could possibly do.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Afternoon Stroll

**Author's Note:**

  * For [earlofcardigans](https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlofcardigans/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide, earlofcardigans! Thanks for being a pinch-hitter :)

Right, so I'm taking the dog out for a walk. The most normal thing I could possibly do. Admittedly the dog is limping, because he's still only half-recovered from getting hit by a car. And I'm limping, because I'm always recovering from something. This week HYDRA kicked the shit out of me and broke my nose, so I've got a nice nasal voice thing to go with the limp.

Kate's doing fine, walking slow so us invalids can keep up. Have you noticed that Kate never really gets beat up like me or the dog? Another way that she's just better than us.

"Nice out today," says Kate, because this is the kind of thing you say when it's a gorgeous sunny fall day out and you're walking the dog and everything is totally normal. I say something about the clouds and the wind, I don't know.

My ankle really hurts. Did I mention that I sprained my ankle fighting space pirates? I don't even understand how this stuff happens to me.

Lucky stops walking and starts sniffing around for a place to take a dump. I fish a plastic bag out of my pocket while Kate stands around and pretends that she's not watching a dog poop.

If you know anything about me at all, it will not surprise you that this is when the biker gang attacks.

They're zipping around the park way too fast and tearing up the grass. They're dressed in grey robes, and none of them are wearing helmets, but they've all got long beards and bald heads. And sunglasses. And sickles.

I'm thinking druid biker cult, which sounds like a mad-lib.

Lucky starts freaking out when one of the bikes gets too close - he's still nervous around engines, which, seriously, I understand. But I'm holding on to his leash, so when he runs he drags me along and I am not as graceful as usual due to the sprained ankle, pretty sure I mentioned that. I'm fumbling for my throwing knife, because I didn't carry a bow to walk my dog but I don't go outside unarmed because I'm not totally stupid. One of the druids gets close enough to slash at me, and he misses but my knife goes right in his arm and he drops the sickle. His sunglasses fall off too, which is pretty hilarious.

And then Lucky jumps out of the way of another bike and the jerk on the leash knocks me over.

One of the druids, the lead guy, maybe, because his beard is freaking enormous, starts bearing down on me. He's not even going to bother with the sickle. He's just going to run me over.

"Hey," says Kate, and the druid looks over.

The arrow hits his shoulder and knocks him off the bike, and it skids away from me. Kate nocks another arrow and lets fly, and another, zip zip zip, no more druids on motorcycles.

Collapsible bow, natch, plus a quiver attached to her leg, hidden under her coat. Have I mentioned that Kate is perfect?

The druids start groaning and trying to stop the bleeding, and Kate walks over to give me a hand up.

"What did you do to them?" she asks.

"Dunno," I say. "I don't know anything about these guys. We need a druid expert."

Some of the less wounded druids are already moving around. Kate points at her quiver, only four arrows left. Right, time to get a move on. I start hobbling away with dog in tow. 

"What about Doctor Druid?" asks Kate, looking over her shoulder in case any of the biker guys decide to follow.

"Pretty sure he's dead."

"No, he's back now." Kate turns and fires an arrow, a man screams, and then we're around the corner and they can't see us anymore.

"Really?" I say. "I should send a card."

"What, a 'glad you're not dead anymore' card?"

"I bought a pack of twenty a couple years ago, figured they'd be useful. I think I've got three or four left."

"You Avengers are weird," says Kate, and pulls me into an alley. We wait a few minutes, and then watch as the druid gang goes running by in hot pursuit.

"Look," I say. "Forget Doctor Druid. Let's just call the cops and go home."

"Sounds good," says Kate and pulls out her cell.

Turns out she's got the police on speed dial, _and_ she actually knows the address of this random alley. What can I say? She's perfect.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Hawkguy fancomic: Afternoon Stroll](https://archiveofourown.org/works/881698) by [AstridV](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstridV/pseuds/AstridV), [neveralarch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neveralarch/pseuds/neveralarch)
  * [[Podfic] Afternoon Stroll](https://archiveofourown.org/works/905323) by [einzwitterion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/einzwitterion/pseuds/einzwitterion), [neveralarch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neveralarch/pseuds/neveralarch)




End file.
